A New Diet...
Yesterday I was at Pet Smart buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal dog, Zeke, and was in the checkout
line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, No, I
don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orfices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that
the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina
nuggets. Then you simply take one or two every time you
feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well, and I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in line
was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.
Pet Smart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all
the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!
Yesterday I was at Pet Smart buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal dog, Zeke, and was in the checkout
line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, No, I
don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orfices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that
the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina
nuggets. Then you simply take one or two every time you
feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works
well, and I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in line
was now enthralled with my story.
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, that I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's ass, and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack he was laughing so hard.
Pet Smart won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all
the time in the world to think of crazy things to say!
